Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like using big words to sounds smart: utilizing gargantuan idioms to fabricate intelligence.

   I love how bouillon cubes come in bright shiney yellow (chicken flavored) and red (Beef flavored) packages, I am set for halloween trickery.

   How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?

   Bag of apples check,Bag of caramel check, Pumpkin check, Pack of razorblades check ,The look of concern on the cashiers face at walmart PRICELESS!!!

   Nothing says "My boyfriend is a cholo!" quite like a hickey.

   Learn how to spell Science you ruhtard

   I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking then you, and standing next to her you look ugly.

   You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the a**hole you worry about, it's how much crap comes out of it.

   You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least Crappy option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden.

   since when the hell did the price of apples and razors go up? geez!

   my Sunday coupons are now bilingual, and it didn't even give me the option to press 1 for English.

   3.14 % of sailors are PI rates

   why do strangers always have the best candy?

   i m dissapointment in your grammer

   anything not related to elephant is IRRelephant

   For this, is a special time when family And friends get together,for fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of diwali and always!!!!!!!!

   putting "in bed" after all his friends facebook statuses.

   forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of her sandwich.

   ...warns you this Halloween to beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, and band saws.

   This Halloween, I'll be handing out those little tiny candy bars. I think they're called bite-me sized.