Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Russian Military is saving money by using inflatable tanks as decoys. You cant tell them apart from the real thing....apart from the sign saying 'No Shoes'..

   relieved. He hasn't seen this many miners rescued since they closed down Neverland.

   When I was younger I always felt like I was a boy trapped in a woman's body. However, that changed when I was born.

   Would like to copyright a Dark chestnut ribbon now! Not sure for what good cause yet but have to get in early we are running out of colors!

   Thanks facebook, I'm really getting the hang of stalking now!

   Why do people lie when getting a gift by saying "Oh You didn't have to do that" HELLO! Thats the only reason they where invited!

   Omg! I just hit a woman on my bike. Just kidding.. I don't ride in the kitchen!

   Sometimes I see a cute kid and think "someday I might want one of those". But then I realize that I say the same thing about monkeys and rocketships and the feeling goes away.

   your pickup line just made me decide to change teams

   does Rosetta Stone have a version that teaches you English??

   was so disappointed when he found out that it was called "we day" not "weed day"...

   "This is not an assignment you can casually handle doing the night before". You may as well be challenging me

   Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.

   "You don't marry the person you can live with...You Marry the person You cant live without!"

   P.E.T.A.= People Eating Tasty Animals....... I LOVE HUNTING SEASON!

   Ok now hey you stop poking you want sex..

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks.

   you never realize how annoying people are until you add them on facebook :)

   I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage

   its better to waste years waiting for the right person to come than to waste years regretting that you didnt