Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon you know you're getting old when your toilet paper supply starts to take up an entire closet!!!!
←Rate | 11-04-2010 17:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎"Hold my beer and watch this." ...that sure brings back high school memories..
←Rate | 11-04-2010 17:27 by kil Comments (0)  


   messageicon And don't even get me started on statements with no context.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 17:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon ... hmm ... If you try 2 google myspace you'll get " did you mean Facebook ?"
←Rate | 11-04-2010 17:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon First 5 people to like this shall receive a hand crafted statue of me wrestling an invisible bear.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 17:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon A vote for Obama is a vote for demise!!
←Rate | 11-04-2010 16:20 by SarahPalin Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's your birthday this month, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The snooze button is life's way of saying that waking up sucks.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope someone gets a pic of Lil Wayne on his way out high-fiving T.I. on his way in.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We'll see.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is the dollar drink @ Mc D's smaller than the dollar Sweet Tea?? I jus dump that sh*t out n refill it wit Hi-C.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 15:14 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking about starting a 80s themed oatmeal delivery company.I`m leaning towards naming it Haulin` Oats.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 13:27 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch "Groundhog Day" backwards, its basically the same except Bill Murray doesn't get the girl at the end.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident!!!
←Rate | 11-04-2010 12:48 by Matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my own way of doing things... generally clumsy and usually late.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 12:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to self: After applying Icy Hot, make sure to wash hands before going to the bathroom!!
←Rate | 11-04-2010 12:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. No one thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your snatch.
←Rate | 11-04-2010 12:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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