Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5527 of 6384
I like to think of myself as "Emotionally Exciting" as opposed to bipolar.
Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.
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10-15-2010 16:54 by ANGELA
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got his girlfriend pregnant .gotcha b!tch :)
hates walking into nasty smelling bathrooms knowing after you leave the next guy in line always thinks you did it... as you fight the urge to notify him it was like that when you got there
You can use most any measure when you're speaking of success. You can measure it in fancy home, expensive car or dress. But the measure of your real success is one you can not spend. Its the way your kids describe you when they're talking to a friend.
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10-15-2010 16:22
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thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.
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10-15-2010 16:06 by Brades
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getting ready to enter the "drinking" portion of the evening.
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10-15-2010 16:05 by Brades
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"Push top to open" should read, "Jam a dent in the side of the cardboard with your index finger repeatedly to no avail. Swear at the box. Try and bite it a little. Swear at the box. You know what? Screw it. Cut the whole damn top off."
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10-15-2010 15:50
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To all my Atheist and Agnostic friends. T_IF!
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10-15-2010 15:36 by Aaron
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I ran out of Tupperware one day, so I took my cottage cheese to work tied up in a condom. I'm not allowed to use the employee refrigerator anymore.
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10-15-2010 15:29
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In Dog Beers, I only plan on having 1 tonight
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10-15-2010 14:49 by j Migas
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so 21st rescued miner says to mistress "I'm taking you to bed for a few days" - come to think of it he is experienced being in deep dark holes for long periods of time.
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10-15-2010 14:18
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playing hide and seek with Chilean pitworkers. Damn.., they are good at this game
Screw this weather! I'm moving to Petticoat Junction where the sun is always shining and beautiful women skinny dip in the local water tower. I'll be staying the The Shady Rest.
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10-15-2010 12:48
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someone says "brb shower" and BAM you imagine them naked!!!
We can sense paranoia and we are coming for you.
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10-15-2010 12:17 by Aaron
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born in a system That doesn't give a f**k about you nor me nor the lies
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10-15-2010 11:24 by ziado
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One of the guys who works for me down south called in sick early this morning. He sounded like death! I ask, “How sick are you?” and he said, “I just got done doing my sister, is that sick enough for you?”
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10-15-2010 09:55 by Michael
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Don't be upset if people preferred another one to you..... its hard to convince monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas..
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10-15-2010 09:12
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If everyday is a gift then today's gift is a box of straws cuz it sucks.
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10-15-2010 09:00 by acreak
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