Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Refuses to comment on the grounds that it might incriminate me.

   Boston fans always bring up the total team salary of New York when the Yankees lose, yet they never mention Red Sox have MLB's 2nd highest payroll and still failed to qualify for playoffs. Translation = Yankees spend wisely, Red Sox do not. Case rested.

   Let's go some place were we can each be alone

   I wish I had a lower I.Q., so that I could enjoy your company.

   I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

   A headache: Not how I expected to start my weekend... I was thinking more of ENDING it with one!

   The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet babysitters

   thinks that playing tag with sprinters is the 2nd least fun game in the world. second only to playing on a seesaw with a sumo wrestler.

   running outta status updates...please post something funny...like a come back status....

   Thinks there should be a sarcasm font....would make FB life so much easier.....

   My opponent Cindy wants to kill you and your family... the 3 good things about her though is 1) She has nice hair 2) She has a nice smile 3) She likes the outdoors

   if you can't beat 'em............RUN

   Dear Political Candidate, if you are going to enter our home via media, you need to follow our house rule #3: "Every time you say something negative about you brother, you must say three good things about him." My name is Cindy & I approve this status.

   According to Time mag...we may be interpretng the Mayan calendar incorrectly. Damn...you know what this means...at least one more month of an Obama presidency. How depressing!!!

   You should do this, you should do that...how bout you jus be happy I even listen to your suggestions! 

   It is difficult to be stupid... competition is huge...

   I throw my can up in the air sometimes saying AYO where out of beer YO..

   traveling deep into Mordor and picking up the kid's from Sauron's house.

   Women are like beer, some go down better then others..

   So high, God told me to get off his roof.