Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A psycho and a teenage girl are walking thru dark scary woods..Teanage girls says"My I am very scared walking thru these woods" The psycho replies"How do you think I feel ? I have to walk back alone"

   remember the old 80's drug commercials..The fryin pan and the egg? This is your brain....this is your brain on drugs...any questions? yeah can I have some bacon and toast with that ?

   King rule - Raja decide what PM and other minsters want to do. Now ministers and others will decide the fate of Raja.

   predicts Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year.

   Like a Kamikaze pilot, I stay fly till I die.

   and, finally, what do you call a deer with no eyes? I-Have-No-I-Deer!

   wonders why hedgehogs don't just share the hedge...

   if women ruled the world there would be no wars. just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   I stand in an elite group, Procrastinators! The leaders of tomorrow...

   As our lady of Disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor has always sung to us: I will survive!!!

   heard practice at Cowboy Stadium was delayed 2 hrs after a player reported finding a white powdery substance on the ground. After a complete analysis, Dallas CSI forensic experts determined the white substance, unfamiliar to the players, was the goal line

   likes the fact that my boss is technologically handicapped. Now I have fed his number in the black list and he's off to get his phone repaired so that he can make calls to me.

   misses the days of Mystery Google.

   Just called in sick to work with Buck Fever.

   having dingy facial hair a requirement to be a boxer now?

   Why men should never take phone messages: "Your gyne colleges called. Your Pabst beer is OK. (I didn't know you liked beer!)"

   the biggest thing on a woman's panties should be the tag!!!!!

   Now that Pacquiao's won another fight, everyone wants to see him go up against Floyd Mayweather. But we all know there's no 'money' cuz we're in a recession.

   President Obama is asking if they can build a statue of Manny Pacquiao to scare off Mexicans from crossing the US border!

   thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.