Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   MYTH NUMBER 6.... Liquor Before Beer, Never Fear.

   Bought a dog that gives up chasing a cat after about 10 seconds. So I'm calling it Quits.

   Just for fun, I left a note of this guys car at Wal-Mart that said, "Sorry for backing into your car". That should keep him busy for a few minutes.

   idiot noun \ˈi-dē-ət\ - One who disagrees with me

   A sack of corn nuts and a good Vogue magazine. And I m just fine

   Its not that I'm not that into you. Its more that I'm not into you at all.

   Betty Crocker likes to spoon?

   as of today I will no longer use "lol" after my comments or posts...I will now use "snicker".

   How long does it take for an ejaculation to become mature?

   Ahhh,,, Confucius say...I know I had it in my hand a minute ago.

   I hate getting wet...it always makes little animals pop out of my bac!

   Drunk Midgets....i'm pretty sure this is what people come to the internet for.

   I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. ~ Georges Duhamel (1884 - 1966)

   Cam Newton is being investigated on animal cruelty charges because apparently video evidence shows him applying beatings to bulldogs, hogs, tigers, chickens, bears, wildcats & wolves. He's stated his intention to beat elephants, ducks & dawgs soon...

   Dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are damn footprints on the moon.

   Bought a horse that lost its last race on purpose. So, I'm calling it Quits.

   thanks to Mucinex, I always think of my boogers as being dressed like Archie Bunker and lounging in my nose...

   Huh, it turns out those WERE droids we were looking for! Son of a b@&*h!

   Just sent his buddies to The Blue Oyster to pick up chicks. LOL...are they in for a surprise!

   anyone heard anything about Cam Newton? It's been kinda quiet the past 3 minutes