Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i'd run away from home, but my Mom wont let me cross the street.

   With that interception returned for a TD by Desmond Bishop, Brett Favre has now thrown 5378 completions for a total of 463 touchdowns to the Green Bay Packers.

   doesn't dress up for Halloween cause I'm a character all year long...

   Friend Requests are like a box of chocolate... you never know which are the nuts

   I figured out why I don't go out drinking much anymore... result being tagged in embarrassing photos on Facebook!

   'Paranormal Activity 2' made $41.5 million... Talk about money well spent.

   would never say this of myself, but my friends tell me that my milkshake is particularly adept at bringing gentlemen callers to the estate.

   Stay warm people. It's "R. Kelly" cool out there…and by that I mean "in the teens."

   Baseball is wrong. A man with 4 balls cannot walk.

   If drinking destroys your memory, what does drinking do?

   shocked that Facebook is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people.

   types a hundred words a minute, but it's in my own language.

   so excited: my DVD collection of "Hoarders" is almost complete! And on VHS. And on Blu-ray and 8mm film. And LaserDisc. Where's my cat?

   has a time machine. I get in and it takes me seven hours into the future. I call it......a bed. Goodnight.

   I'm not pefect.. but gezzz....Have you seen my competition?

   a Jerkwagon... sorry folks, it's true.......

   the inventer of the "High Five"!!! - (you're welcome)

   "You are probably a 30-year old drunk dude with nothing better to do than play video games" - An incredibly correct kid on Xbox Live

   The Walkman is offically dead. We had some good times in the 80's, and early 90's. You're in a better place now. RIP

   in desperate need of a padded room and a Thorazine drip..