Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why are condoms like cameras? They both capture the moment.

   You're Not my type is just a nicer way of saying your Ugly.

   hates eating hard shell tacos. Take one bite and it becomes nachos.

   out like your hairdo!!

   Running with scissors. Take that society.

   TIP TO REDUCE WEIGHT! first turn your head to the left...then turn your head to the right,..repeat this excercise evrytime you are offerd something to EAT

   busy re-wrapping extra strength chocolate ex-lax in Hershey miniature wrappers for the Trick or Treat-ers this week end.

   It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married

   Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; then on Sunday, pray for crop failure

   What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick

   I'm not going bald, i'm just getting more head.

   The rules were already broken when I got here.

   I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.

   I better get to sleep. I have to get up early to call in sick to work.

   ■Unlike drugs, Facebook addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life

   would like to offer you a helpful tip : Build a bridge.....AND JUMP OFF IT!!

   can't wait til menopause do us part...

   Wondering what's gonna happen to that Hindu ass wipe from Rutgers College who played a prank on the poor guy who committed suicide when he goes to prison! I wish the guards secretly tapes Ravi getting raped and put it on the web

   I did an ancestry search on line of my family heritage? It totally explains why I found a hockey mask and machete under Jason's bed?

   Ok, does it make me too competitive, if I begin deleting friends solely because I can not beat their Bejeweled and or Family Feud scores?