Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5488 of 6385
How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy & say congratulations! But nobody rubs your balls and says good job!
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10-28-2010 05:47 by de_one
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What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl?.........See, sometimes alcohol is the answer
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10-28-2010 05:41 by itsmyswag
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Sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street and say "YOU'RE IT!!" and then run away
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10-28-2010 05:36 by itsmyswag
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wants to do something different today so is thinking about sitting on the TV to watch the sofa!!!
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10-28-2010 05:34 by itsmyswag
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Machete Don't Facebook
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10-28-2010 04:25
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you better check yourself... before you wreck yourself.
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10-28-2010 01:38
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Don't you just hate it when you hop out the shower & the first thing you feel is that" I have to doo doo feeling " I swear poop has no respect at all !!!!
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10-28-2010 01:33 by ILL
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For the whole month of November I'll be starting a new business. I'm going to give out free rebound sex to all of the heart broken females out there. I know.... I know.... It's a dirty job but somebody has to do it.
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10-28-2010 01:21 by ILL
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Obama slogan went from " Yes We Can" to " Thought We Could".
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10-28-2010 01:20 by ILL
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I am tired of being an adult... Can't I just play all day!?
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10-27-2010 23:50
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Really? If you can pee that high, DEFINITELY join the fire brigade. Yah
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10-27-2010 23:24
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What the f**k's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me
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10-27-2010 22:48
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Genius - The ability to produce fantastic amounts of equally fantastic bullsh*t that all makes perfect sense
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10-27-2010 22:46 by kobrah
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How much for the frog? No, that one.... No, THAT one. Goddammit, how much for the frog, that one with the tail?... Well excuse me! How much for the lizard then
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10-27-2010 22:45
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Whoever invented calories is gonna get their face f***ed with ice cream cake.. .
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10-27-2010 22:41
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Buffalo wings? Are you insane? Those cows can't fly. It's a lie, I tell you
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10-27-2010 22:38
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Life's a beach....and i'm playing in the sand...
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10-27-2010 22:33
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so my xgirlfriend just caught me banging her sister, this is a good time for the kool-aid guy to jump through the wall
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10-27-2010 22:06
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my girlfriend just popped in on trying on her bra's.. this would be a good time for me to shove a twix in my month
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10-27-2010 22:03
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just kicked off of public transportation
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10-27-2010 21:59
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