Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I made a promise to myself years ago. that as I begin to age considerably...I will keep with me some semblance of fashion. Never when wearing shorts, will I sport black socks and dress shoes..I will try to keep my trousers up to a reasonable height...wh

   So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"

   We may be falling behind China in some ways, but our underground drug tunnels are second to none. USA!!

   reminds parents of children under 3 years to refer to their kid's age in years, not months. It's a child, not cheese.

   there's nothing like watching a commerical of people making out with a McRib sandwich......kinda turns m on

   "A Deficit... really? ... What do you mean we're overdrawn? .. can't be... I have checks left" -- President O'Bama

   OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also

   its not Christmas time yet and Starbucks is holiday happy. We still have to get though thanksgiving people.

   The Republicans have announced they intend to make it more difficult to claim benefits. Starting next week the forms will only be printed in English.

   Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.

   I hate to admit it but i'm in a really dark place right now... oh wait.... found the light switch... phew! never-mind :

   converted my dishwasher into a snowblower: bought the wife a new snow shovel for her birthday!

   bad Facebook!! you almost made me take out that row of mailboxes

   im a fan of the tube top, but even tires have pressure limits....

   Why is the FONT so small on Facebook all of the sudden. I see the Republicans have started with their nonsense already.

   Whatever happened to the happy Mentos commercials. Those were the highlight of my day!!!!

   I'm fat! If I stare at something too hard I break a sweat!

   Woke up and decided to do something crazy today so I went and had my va-jay-jay pierced! All the pain was worth it since now I pick up free XM Satellite Radio! I just can't stand in front of the microwave anymore.

   It's a given that whatever hits the fan is never distributed evenly.

   you know you're getting old when your toilet paper supply starts to take up an entire closet!!!!