Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just realized that Superman was an illegal immigrant

   Goldfish and animal crackers.....Her favorite kind of surf and turf

   thinks people who end sentences with prepositions should knock it off.

   Deja Fu: I've been kicked in the head like this before...

   praying I don't get gravy on my nice clothes.

   wondering what all the Vegitarians are doing for Thanksgiving.

   going thru the airport scan today with a complete spiderman suit under my street clothes

   Todays lesson: You WRITE a letter or note. You TYPE an e -mail, message or text.

   thinks people with parkinsons just have a good song stuck in their head

   likes being vague, because it's almost as fun as doing this other thing.

   at the airport and not too upset about going through a full-body scan... what I am REALLY upset about is that this Enzyte stuff totally DOESN'T WORK AT ALL!

   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   Do you want to make a difference? Be different.

   It's a good thing I have Facebook. Otherwise I'd be doing something dumb right now like being efficient at my job.

   I often view the Thanksgiving table as a roulette table, something about potato salad and macaroni salad made by people that don't like me makes me think I would be safer in Vegas betting the house and car

   The future of TSA, ma'am bend over, spread your cheeks, cough!

   They need to change the sign from "Speed Limit" to "Required Speed."

   thankful he's not a turkey

   On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – Halftime.

   You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.