Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I had a McRib today. My toilet just waved a white flag.

   as the great philospher Jagger said...."you can't always get what you want.."

   NFL= National Flag League

   I just lost my self respect at the Golden Corral.

   I've gotta have more people in my life that love my elbows.. .

   I have found that 99% of the time, the book is better than the movie. The 1% that is not, is porn.

   Dont use that tone of text with me!

   - Video Games don't make children violent. Lag does.

   I was watching some trailers at my local cinema when to my surprise a movie came on.

   Any other use of this status or any pictures, descriptions, or accounts of the status without the NFL's consent is prohibited

   OH SH*T I TURNED MY CLOCK BACK TO FAR ITS 1984 I JUST PUT ON MY WHAM HALF SHIRT AND I'm GOING TO THE ARCADE.......TTYL

   Sometimes your the windshield sometimes your the bug, but every now and then ya get to be a big effin rock and smash that windshield!!

   Dear Maths, All my life you made me find your X !!! Listen buddy...She's not coming back....So please move on!!! Regards, Frustrated Student

   I can finally use that one watch I never figured out how to adjust

   Its interesting that Obama is visiting India for the very reason Indians go to US : JOBS!

   wondering what a conversation between Chewbaca & the teacher from "Peanuts" would be like? Who would interpret?

   If you want to change the Font size on Facebook, just press CTRL and + till you get the size you want, Or CTRL and - to make it smaller.

   eating soup with chop sticks..........this may take awhile

   What would Zach Galifianakis do?

   Maybe I should get a ventriloquist dummy to say all the ignorant things I think and blame it on the dummy!....lol