Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5454 of 6385
First 5 people to like this shall receive a hand crafted statue of me wrestling an invisible bear."
All right, let's solve this once and for all. It was ME who pushed Humpty Dumpty, I also took Little Bo Peeps sheep for ransom, I was the one who let the dogs out and stole the cookies from the cookie jar. So there!!"
So let me get this right, I cant legally smoke marajuana, yet I can go to my local gun store and buy a Semi Automatic Machine Gun, a couple of grenades and all the ammo I want? Now who's the one that's been smoking something here?"
Why does the news always tell you about the "fun" massage parlors AFTER they're being shut down for prostitution? Dangit!
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11-09-2010 09:37 by Mike M
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"Dont I know you from somewhere?" = The absolute worst thing to say to someone who is robbing you at gunpoint...
DEFENITION: Jagermeister - Irreversable decisions in a bottle.
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11-09-2010 08:13 by Hot Tea
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WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than you actually are.
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11-09-2010 08:09 by Michael
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M̸o̸n̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸u̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ W̸e̸d̸n̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ Friday!! just say'in :))
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11-09-2010 07:13 by kristir
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Wade: I just got your email...it says I'm fired...oh don't worry about that...I get unlimited emails..
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11-09-2010 01:24 by levon
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wondering where the white goes when the snow melts.
Congratulations to those of you who can read this. You survived the friend cut!!
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11-09-2010 00:11
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In the past, when you were angry with someone you argued with them. Now you just delete them off Facebook!
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11-08-2010 23:52
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I recently took up mediation, its better than sitting around doing nothing
why hasn't there been a woman on the moon yet? cause it does not need cleaning yet!
Doesnt matter if the Bengals lose.... Yeah a win would be nice but at least our Quater back isnt a douche. You can constantly improve, you cant fix Douche-Baggery. There I win ;)
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11-08-2010 23:21 by Rachael
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I think I have it all figured out......... Now, if only someone would organize it for me.....
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11-08-2010 23:03 by Tjjoh5
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PLEASE put this on your status if you know someone who has been eaten by a dragon. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can breathe fire. 93% of people won't copy & paste this because they have already been eaten by a dragon..
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11-08-2010 23:02
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2 blond girls on opposites sides of the lake, The first one yells to the 2nd "How do I get on the other side?" The 2nd yells back "You are on the other side"
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11-08-2010 22:52
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I stopped listening somewhere around the third grade.
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11-08-2010 22:23 by Aaron
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I leave notes on people's windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
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11-08-2010 22:19 by Aaron
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