Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5436 of 6385
wanted to go for a nature walk in the woods with my ex today, but the shovel wont fit in my backpack :/
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11-15-2010 07:49
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suffering from PMS- Premature Morning Syndrome
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11-15-2010 07:47
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man walks into a room where he see's his wife watching a cookery programme. "Why you watching that", he says "you can't cook !". His wife replies "Why do you watch porn ?"
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11-15-2010 07:43
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Seems the Meadowlands couldn't handle all the Cowboy's touchdown. The stadium had no choice but to short circuit and shut down due to the confusion. For 12 minutes fans were able to experience a real Cowboys game...a complete blackout.
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11-15-2010 07:02 by KLA
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wondering...If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
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11-15-2010 02:49
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(With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
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11-15-2010 01:40
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84 yr old Queen Elizabeth just started a facebook page. I'm going to poke her.
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11-15-2010 00:14 by Vinnie
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thinks the new myspace sucks... then again, so does the old one... way to be consistent myspace
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11-14-2010 23:15 by bithlord
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playing Call of Doodie
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11-14-2010 22:25
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AR15 rifle with scope- $1,600, 900 Rds of Lake City XM193 AF 5.56 loaded in 30 magazines $600, Emergency food suplies $1000, Cost of everything during the zombie apocalypse = Priceless
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11-14-2010 22:01 by ff1241
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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should be renamed Rich MILFs
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11-14-2010 21:43
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so awesome that "The Most Interesting Man in The World" is jealous.
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11-14-2010 21:29 by ff1241
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One day my ex-wife asked me if her new jeans made her butt look big, I said I don't know, let me jog around back there and check. Hence the ex-wife.
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11-14-2010 20:54 by RLRAY
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As much as your kids are at my house, you should pay me child support.
I think it is funny as hell. Then again I love my own brand of comedy!!
You should not clean a gun while loaded....Unless you're wiping off fingerprints!!
hard at work trying to crate train my hamster but, he just doesn't get it...so ive decided to train him to use the litter box!!! and who better to teach him than my cat.....
Sex is like Spades...If you don't have a good partner, you have to have a good hand.
sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop
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11-14-2010 18:04 by tate
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I had a serious talk with my crew supervisor today, because nobody showed up for work. I told him we needed to let ONE go not JUAN...