Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5424 of 6385
BREAKING NEWS: Philip Morris teams up with TSA to offer free cigarette after clearing airport security. (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~
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11-18-2010 12:43
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in a relationship with Nancy Pelosi. I figure she has been screwing me for 4 years now; I might as well make it official.
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11-18-2010 12:00 by Michael
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jumping as high as possible so he can take a sneak peek of Friday's preview.
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11-18-2010 11:52 by Aa
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I wish for once they'd kill that Harry Potter.
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11-18-2010 11:46 by Rick
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I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.
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11-18-2010 11:23 by rll
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The main trouble with mental notes is, the ink fades so fast.
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11-18-2010 11:22 by rll
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Ladies, if the bra doesn't fit don't wear one! No need seeing them two looking like two bald men fighting
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11-18-2010 11:21
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I'm no genius, but I am smart enough to know that there is no ''x'' in the words ''especially'', ''espresso'', or ''ask''.
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11-18-2010 11:11 by Lesley
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Don't you find those people who keep updating how many days to christmas annoying? Anyway it's 37 days to christmas.
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11-18-2010 11:03 by HEX
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I just got my wifes Christmas gift. I hid it in the oven. She will never find it there!
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11-18-2010 11:01 by Tim
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They say that history repeats itself but, you know, they've said that before.
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11-18-2010 10:34 by Brendan
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My family lives next to a cemetery. Today, there was a funeral. My mom looked out of the window and said, "Look, we're getting new neighbors!" LOVELY
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11-18-2010 10:19 by omodtcub
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wants to put handcuffs on, run into a hardware store in a panic and ask for a hacksaw
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11-18-2010 10:01 by Yaj
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"I ain't going through a scanner at the airport until I see Janet Napolitano go through one. I've got a bar bet hanging on her real gender."
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11-18-2010 09:56 by Mike Long
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Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
happy that President Obama recently visited India. Maybe now we can start sending jobs in Congress offshore.
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11-18-2010 09:49 by markf
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Virgins... Thanks for nothing...
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11-18-2010 09:45 by @Torren_T
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thinking that Venti must be the Italian word for "you just paid an insane amount of money for a cup of coffee."
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11-18-2010 09:43 by markf
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wondering what Captain Hook's name was before he lost his hand.
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11-18-2010 09:39 by markf
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I have always woundered why people bang their heads against brick walls..... then I met you
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11-18-2010 08:57 by Orania
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