Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5412 of 6385
PMS - (Pre Monday Syndrome)
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11-21-2010 15:40 by levon
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If you think I'm crazy now, try me either WITH alcohol or WITHOUT sedatives
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11-21-2010 14:38
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Hey did everyone hear that Jeff reed tried to commit suicide? Pretty sad huh? Yeah... He tried to kick the stool out from under himself and missed...LOL!!
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11-21-2010 14:09 by hck
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Where does steel wool come from?
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11-21-2010 13:25
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Girl texts you: What ya doing? You reply: Playing Xbox.. Err I mean lifting weights. Yeah lifting weights.
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11-21-2010 13:10 by Sal
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I just signed a 10 million dollar contract to play for the Cowboys next year. Now, I just need to get them to sign it.
Astronauts are the only people who followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
While I may not always return the affection of those who like me, I always admire their good judgment.
Man...that is the last time I wash down an Ambien with Nyquil. According to the angry voicemail from my neighbors they were not happy about me dancing naked on my roof singing the ghostbusters theme song in Spanish. I don't even speak Spanish.
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11-21-2010 12:43 by John D
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Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is: ‘What is never the answer?
Finally ALLOWED to use the computer. My dog has been on assbook all morning.
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11-21-2010 12:36 by John D
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SKY news: 'parachute team die in plane crash'. Couldn't they just have jumped out?
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11-21-2010 12:13 by @clarkysj
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I can't believe I got sacked from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again
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11-21-2010 11:44
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With Thanksgiving coming up..this year I thought I'd try something new, so my friend took me turkey hunting and I shot one! We had a ball but sure scared Hell out of everyone in the frozen food department!
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11-21-2010 11:41
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Please, write your comments down on the back of a $20 dollar bill and send them to me.
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11-21-2010 11:41 by sms
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Look ladies, I'm not a player. I'm just active participant. :0)
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11-21-2010 11:39
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Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
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11-21-2010 11:38 by sms
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The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...
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11-21-2010 11:35
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We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart.
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11-21-2010 11:33 by sms
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