Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5395 of 6446

My cousin told me he was gay today. What an idiot, coming out in weather like this.
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12-21-2010 13:44 by @clarkysj
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now knows what Johnny Cash was singing about in "Ring of Fire." He ate at Taco Bell last night.
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12-21-2010 13:27 by Ron
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Last minute Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.
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12-21-2010 13:24 by Piddy
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i wish rihanna's nana would tell her what her name is!
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12-21-2010 12:49
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A dumb girl goes into pc world and asks for curtains the sales man says " you dont need curtains for a computer" she replys "but mine has windowss"..?
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12-21-2010 12:49
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I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season
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12-21-2010 11:27 by Stragen
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Ctrl + C ... Plagiarism Simplified
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12-21-2010 10:52 by Wes
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If letting him bang me while I wear reindeer antlers and a painted red nose doesn't get him in the Christmas spirit nothing will!
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12-21-2010 09:46 by Retics
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it's nearing the festive season again and so just a reminder that a doggy is not just for christmas, it's a great position all year round!
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12-21-2010 09:41
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The dogbone cutout cookies didn't exactly keep their shape after baking. What am I going to do with 12 dozen double pe#is shaped cookies?
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12-21-2010 09:37
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She's doing shots in her underwear , a fur hat an mittens!!! I'm never coming home!!!
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12-21-2010 09:36 by Retics
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Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving
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12-21-2010 08:13
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When you fight with a pig in the mud you both get dirty, but the pig likes it!
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12-21-2010 07:55 by bla
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I think the grammatically correct way to describe my current Christmas disposition would have to be "present tense".
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12-21-2010 07:46 by TC
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The Co-op ran of out of milk again because of the bad weather. Thankfully Doreen, my 92 yr old neighbour, has loads of it piled up at her front door.
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12-21-2010 07:44 by @clarkysj
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BBC NEWS: Government plans to ban all Internet porn. On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy a laptop?
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12-21-2010 07:15 by @clarkysj
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You think you've got problems? I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning.
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12-21-2010 07:09 by @clarkysj
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I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence.
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12-21-2010 07:08 by @clarkysj
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Last night I tried to go out for an Italian meal, but there was a large, fat lady standing in the doorway. I couldn't get pasta.
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12-21-2010 07:07 by @clarkysj
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Only Till Facebook came Along Did We Realize How Much We All Like.
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12-21-2010 06:56
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