Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My cousin told me he was gay today. What an idiot, coming out in weather like this.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 13:44 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon now knows what Johnny Cash was singing about in "Ring of Fire." He ate at Taco Bell last night.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 13:27 by Ron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last minute Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 13:24 by Piddy Comments (4)  


   messageicon i wish rihanna's nana would tell her what her name is!
←Rate | 12-21-2010 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A dumb girl goes into pc world and asks for curtains the sales man says " you dont need curtains for a computer" she replys "but mine has windowss"..?
←Rate | 12-21-2010 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna take a wiffle ball bat into malls during Christmas shopping for those idiots that just stop suddenly in the middle of the walking area. That humming thump noise while I crack it across the back of their heads would bring joy to my holiday season
←Rate | 12-21-2010 11:27 by Stragen Comments (2)  


   messageicon Ctrl + C ... Plagiarism Simplified
←Rate | 12-21-2010 10:52 by Wes Comments (0)  


   messageicon If letting him bang me while I wear reindeer antlers and a painted red nose doesn't get him in the Christmas spirit nothing will!
←Rate | 12-21-2010 09:46 by Retics Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's nearing the festive season again and so just a reminder that a doggy is not just for christmas, it's a great position all year round!
←Rate | 12-21-2010 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The dogbone cutout cookies didn't exactly keep their shape after baking. What am I going to do with 12 dozen double pe#is shaped cookies?
←Rate | 12-21-2010 09:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She's doing shots in her underwear , a fur hat an mittens!!! I'm never coming home!!!
←Rate | 12-21-2010 09:36 by Retics Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Worry about what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving
←Rate | 12-21-2010 08:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you fight with a pig in the mud you both get dirty, but the pig likes it!
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:55 by bla Comments (1)  


   messageicon I think the grammatically correct way to describe my current Christmas disposition would have to be "present tense".
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:46 by TC Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Co-op ran of out of milk again because of the bad weather. Thankfully Doreen, my 92 yr old neighbour, has loads of it piled up at her front door.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:44 by @clarkysj Comments (1)  


   messageicon BBC NEWS: Government plans to ban all Internet porn. On an unrelated note, does anyone want to buy a laptop?
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:15 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon You think you've got problems? I dropped my cocaine in the snow this morning.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:09 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:08 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night I tried to go out for an Italian meal, but there was a large, fat lady standing in the doorway. I couldn't get pasta.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:07 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only Till Facebook came Along Did We Realize How Much We All Like.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 06:56 Comments (0)  




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