Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't think drinking will solve your problems... but it will give you lots of interesting new ones.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:32 by @The69Sheriff Comments (1)  


   messageicon Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If one more person says "all I want for christmas is you" they are gonna get me... with a baseball bat
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when you get pulled over for a D.U.I quickly pull off the lable off of the beer and stick it on ur forehead and tell the officer you havn't been drinking ur on the patch!"
←Rate | 12-23-2010 14:04 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, when your done writing the naughty list, can I get my lil black book back? Cheers Guv
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:59 by Marcus Miz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does not set out to shock or offend anyone, but also does not do anything to prevent it.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:51 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your ex says: "You'll never find someone like me" you are supposed to turn around and say: "God I sure hope not!!"
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:46 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I heard the weatherman say to watch out for "black Ice"...I think that terminology is terribly offensive...should be "Ice that you cannot see, ice" or "Watermelon ice"...
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:40 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" OBVIOUSLY, I thought I was going to get AWAY with it!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:38 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to find a website with all the WikiLeaks information just in case they also have Santa's naughty list!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinks given the choice between Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, I would prefer Parkinson's. I would rather spill a little beer rather than forget where I put it.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:37 by Heather25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, Terrelle Pryor gets suspended, but Cam Newton gets a Heisman? Oh, ok, that's fair
←Rate | 12-23-2010 13:36 by @LConrad409 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't wait for the perfect moment...Take the moment and make it perfect!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Go ahead, try and hang them with care and see if that holds. I'm hanging my stockings with tacks this year.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 09:01 by @Torren_T Comments (2)  


   messageicon When the doctor says "drop your pants" I can never resist the urge to say "ooooohhh....Kinkeh!"
←Rate | 12-23-2010 09:00 by Talsier Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when elderly women try to trick you. Like when they make chocolate chip cookies, and you take a bite only to notice it's filled with raisins and not chocolate chips! EVIL I tell you ...those cheapskates!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 08:58 by Talsier Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always like to keep a "trial size" hand sanitizer with me at all times. Not to keep my hands clean, but in case I have to "fake" sneeze on the back of someones head for being an idot or slow.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 08:57 by Talsier Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you send me a message that starts off "I remember how much fun we had!" in your friend request...Please take the profile picture of your grandmother with the new baby down. That scares the hell out of me!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 08:51 by Talsier Comments (0)  




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