Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would respond to your last question, but I am really tired of speaking stupid!

   I once could hear everything but your cries..but now I cant hear anything but your silence....

   I hate to break it to you, fatty, but shaving and leaving just a line of facial hair along your jaw line is not going to make your double chin disappear, it'll make you look even fatter.

   Dear Santa, My wish 4 this year is a big, fat bank account & a slim body. Pls don't mix these 2 up like you did last year!!!!!

   What's love got to do with it.....all I said is I wanted to have sex ;)

   just saw a commercial for cat litter that is so good, it claims it is "double duty" acting... I think they should have spelled it "double DOODIE"!

   Have you heard about the new movie, 'Constipation'? It hasn't come out yet.

   Justin Bieber nominated 4 two Grammys? Well, you go girl.

   drawing graffiti on his wall "▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀". What do you think?

   If your birthstone is gravel, you might be a redneck.

   too many people buy stuff they don't want, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't like

   Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.

   Mystery: why black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars.

   tree up☑ cookies for Santa☑ Surface to Air Missile Systems all set up on my roof and ready☑>:) I wonder what Venison taste like?

   everyone getting excited? Only 337 days until Thanksgiving.

   Ever notice that one buddy that always seems to tell others to "take one for the team" has in fact never taken one for the team?

   I'd think getting a parking spot at the Special Olympics would be tough unless you got there really early

   Hmm, I knew I should've taken that left turn at Albuquerque....

   Whew!!.. just in time ... I got all my Christmas shopping done with one fell swoop... I hope everyone enjoys their Netflicks trial offers :)

   The only instant messaging I do is with my middle finger.