Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When you send me a message that starts off "I remember how much fun we had!" in your friend request...Please take the profile picture of your grandmother with the new baby down. That scares the hell out of me!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 08:51 by Talsier Comments (0)  


   messageicon would like to see a more man-friendly mall for next Christmas. It needs to have a Home Depot, AutoZone, Bass Pro Shop, Lowe's, Sears, Gander Mtn, Pep Boys, a Longhorn Steakhouse and ESPN radio playing over the christmas tunes.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 07:32 by markf Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents love, Wikileaks
←Rate | 12-23-2010 05:17 Comments (4)  


   messageicon When he says "We could be friends".. I feel like replying " We COULD be rare specimen of an exotic breed of dancing african elephants, But we are not... Atleast, I'M not !!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would respond to your last question, but I am really tired of speaking stupid!
←Rate | 12-23-2010 01:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once could hear everything but your cries..but now I cant hear anything but your silence....
←Rate | 12-23-2010 01:11 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate to break it to you, fatty, but shaving and leaving just a line of facial hair along your jaw line is not going to make your double chin disappear, it'll make you look even fatter.
←Rate | 12-23-2010 00:31 by marqattacks Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, My wish 4 this year is a big, fat bank account & a slim body. Pls don't mix these 2 up like you did last year!!!!!
←Rate | 12-22-2010 23:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's love got to do with it.....all I said is I wanted to have sex ;)
←Rate | 12-22-2010 23:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just saw a commercial for cat litter that is so good, it claims it is "double duty" acting... I think they should have spelled it "double DOODIE"!
←Rate | 12-22-2010 22:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you heard about the new movie, 'Constipation'? It hasn't come out yet.
←Rate | 12-22-2010 22:07 by Thrasher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber nominated 4 two Grammys? Well, you go girl.
←Rate | 12-22-2010 22:04 by cuprunneth1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon drawing graffiti on his wall "▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀". What do you think?
←Rate | 12-22-2010 22:01 by p3psi Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your birthstone is gravel, you might be a redneck.
←Rate | 12-22-2010 22:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon too many people buy stuff they don't want, with money they don't have, to impress people they don't like
←Rate | 12-22-2010 21:43 by Wayne G. Comments (1)  


   messageicon Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.
←Rate | 12-22-2010 21:37 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Mystery: why black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars.
←Rate | 12-22-2010 21:11 by Aaron the Great lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon tree up☑ cookies for Santa☑ Surface to Air Missile Systems all set up on my roof and ready☑>:) I wonder what Venison taste like?
←Rate | 12-22-2010 20:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon everyone getting excited? Only 337 days until Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 12-22-2010 19:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice that one buddy that always seems to tell others to "take one for the team" has in fact never taken one for the team?
←Rate | 12-22-2010 18:51 Comments (0)  




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