Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5390 of 6386
Car dealerships greatly over-estimate the allure of tents.
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11-29-2010 21:26 by jdpower
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I'm thinking about buying an invisible box that they trap mimes in.
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11-29-2010 21:25 by jdpower
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I never did use my illusion. Is it too late?
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11-29-2010 21:24 by jdpower
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I hate when people put words in my mouth.. with the possible exceptions of “waffle” or “sandwich.”
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11-29-2010 21:23 by jdpower
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If I joined Earth, Wind & Fire, I think the element I'd want to be is Surprise.
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11-29-2010 21:21 by jdpower
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In retrospect, everything is foreshadowing.
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11-29-2010 21:20 by jdpower
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I wanted to buy a keepsake to remind me of the great food this Thanksgiving, but I think this new chin will suffice.
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11-29-2010 21:19 by jdpower
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These E*Trade babies probably annoy everyone in the bar when they play Golden Tee.
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11-29-2010 21:18 by jdpower
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I had to use my AK this afternoon.. Still, it was a good day, as I only used it to scratch my back.
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11-29-2010 21:16 by jdpower
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a proud member of the 97% who won't copy & paste chain status updates.
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11-29-2010 20:53
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If you can have sex faster then the speed of sound is it possible to have sex with a women before she can respond with a yes or no answer ?
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11-29-2010 19:41 by Damnfool
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Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you could get from girls were cooties? Dads shoulders were the highest place on earth? Your worst enemies were your siblings. the onl
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11-29-2010 19:25
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Saves lives each day... because there are people out there that need to be shot, and I don't shoot 'em!
They say that every person who enters your life makes a difference in it, my question for you is are you gonna be a scar or a beauty mark?
Friends are like television~ Some are like PBS and always asking for money. Others are like the news, with sad tales to tell everyday, some are like that one station with the foreign language; you don't understand a word of it but you listen and watch
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11-29-2010 18:46 by slick
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I like to drink red and blue poweraide so I can feel like I'm drinking health and mana potions
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11-29-2010 18:35
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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11-29-2010 18:31
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I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion.
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11-29-2010 17:38
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I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.
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11-29-2010 17:37
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