Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   New Years Eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early. I just hope I'll be sober enought to drive from work to the bar.

   If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.

   Happy easter and have a fantastic1982 from all at the alzheimers society ! See you next week at the bonfire and dont forget your swimsuit! X.

   So for everyone planning on drinking and then driving tonight- Do me a favor please. Go full speed, no seatbelt, and hit the first pole, tree or wall you see. Kill yourself, not an innocent child or someone who doesnt need to drink to have a good

   It's now OFFICIAL!!! Facebook has become the weather channel.... Yes I know its nice outside...but thank you for the updates every other min!

   Looking for a New Year's resolution? Why don't we work on that whole "your/you're" thing...

   Prematurely panicked with all the blizzard warnings yesterday and ate my cat....now feeling remorseful.....

   it's almost 2011....I still find it hard to believe I do not have my own robot yet. Damn you Jetsons.

   Keep the smile, leave the tear, think of joy, forget the fear… hold the laugh, leave the pain, be joyous, coz it's New Years! HAPPY NEW YEAR! ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶

   Oh Snap! Looked outside and there's white stuff all over the ground... Either it's snowing or Lindsay Lohan dropped her stash...

   Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to jager. Jager leads to hangover. Hangover leads to suffering.

   While you're out eating and drinking after midnight please remember poor little Gizmo who isn't allowed to.

   my New Years Resolution is to meet the lady that is no longer getting sex from her husband.

   The New Year is ringing in, may all your Champagne wishes and Caviar Dreams come true!!

   knockin' boots. Okay, maybe knockin' snow off my boots, but still.

   May the blessings of the new year pass me by and find someone less fortunate. My life is not perfect but I have no reason to complain. I am lucky to have what I have.

   reading Santa's Naughty Girls list...... Thank you Wikileaks

   To my Family & Friends. There were probably many times this year when I may have disturbed you, troubled you, pestered you, irritated you, bugged you, or got on your nerves. So today I just wanted to tell you. Suck it up cupcake! There are NO CHANGES plan

   New Year's Eve: Where old acquaintance be forgot...Unless, of course, those tests come back positive!

   new years eve – one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early