Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5347 of 6386
He knows when you are sleeping...he knows when you're awake....oh my God I'm scared!!!
A deal has been struck to allow evolution to continue to be taught in public schools, as long as Dinosaurs are refered to as Jesus Horse's.
I hate it when I'm telling an awesome story, and realize halfway through that I should not be telling it to the person that I am.
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12-15-2010 16:51
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Women have special powers. They get wet with out water, They bleed with out injury, They make boneless meat get hard, and make men eat with out cooking
Medical Marijuana vs Medical Alcohol... Why is the first one illegal?
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12-15-2010 15:57
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Just got home and found all the doors smashed in and everything gone!!! What kind of weirdo does that to someones advent calender ?
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12-15-2010 15:25
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My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
I totally take back all of those times I didn't nap when I was a kid...
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12-15-2010 12:59
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This Christmas I'm gonna party like it's $19.99.....
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12-15-2010 12:40 by SKP
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My cuzn's baby's daddy's lil bruda's bes fren's uncle's x-wife's boyfren's mama's awnt's nexdoe neigba's susta in law said tell you Mur Cripmus!
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12-15-2010 12:32 by Dunno
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Lovin my early Christmas present of a Massage Chair! Work never felt so good!.. Now if someone would just invent a vibrating tampon I could start lovin my periods too
I love reading ppls status "off to the gym" when you know damn well they are only going to use the massage chair
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12-15-2010 11:44 by mlg
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Dude instead of all these credit card companies sending me all these applications they should donate the paper to schools or something!
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12-15-2010 11:34 by chris
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Could you undress closer to the blinking red light?
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12-15-2010 11:31
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There is no I in team, but there are four in platitude-quoting idiot
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12-15-2010 11:30
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hosting a Mayan calendar party on Dec 22, 2012. Disregard this announcement if the world ends on Dec 21, 2012. Also, if the earth's magnetic field does not reverse by then, I'm planning to sponsor a pole flipping contest.
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12-15-2010 11:17 by Stragen
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Chaos: What erupts when he-who-lives-in-a-glass-house invites he-who-is-without-sin for dinner.
if only super glue worked on ANYTHING as well as gluing it's own cap on........
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12-15-2010 10:48
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never forget the 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
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12-15-2010 10:42 by Yaj
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take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
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12-15-2010 10:41 by Yaj
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