Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shhhhhhhhhh....you had me at, "..$20 does include the spanking.."

   I just tried turning the volume up on my computer using the TV remote.... I think I need to question the state of my mental health 0.o

   The only appropriate time to yell out "I HAVE DIARRHEA!", is when you're playing scrabble. Because it's worth a whole load of points.

   If someone describes something as "better than sex", I know their either lying or extremely sheltered

   Every time someone moves a tweet from Twitter to Facebook, God pushes a baby bird out of a nest into the mouth of a kitten. Stop that!

   while seeking revenge dig 2 graves.....................one for yourself

   I always mean what I say, but I don't always mean to say it out loud..

   You know times are tough when you receive a friend request on facebook from Tom Anderson (MySpace). I guess he is one of the 47% that got fired from MySpace!

   Just had the misfortune of watching some of MTV's "reality" shows...I'll take "Why the Mayan's decided to end it in 2012" for $1000.00 Alex....

   keep symbols for the symbol-minded

   What makes me so funny? My strict diet of sunshine and unicorn meat!

   just changed my boss's password on his computer to --> C : [Enter] # # #....yeah, I'm a smidge disgruntled...

   I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   If all this Global Warming keeps up, I think Atlanta may have to add to it's fleet of 8 snow-plows......

   Dear Zuckerberg: Please create a "Drama Queen" button = Like = Unlike = Drama Queen = Comment

   “I knew you'd be back.” -The Drawing Board

   You know your'e getting old when you think an XBOX is where you keep your divorce papers.

   I just don't see how a two peckered billy goat can be that productive...jus' sayin'

   you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture

   I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up