Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5299 of 6386
so I go to walmart and see two problems, 1. they have a justin bieber doll and 2. you press his crotch to hear him sing...
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01-07-2011 01:26 by Chelsea
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I just got home from the convenience store where I saw two homeless people making out. It was gross so I was about to yell "Get a Room", luckily I caught myself just in time
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01-07-2011 01:03 by scottyp
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The man on a date always wonders if he'll get lucky but te woman already knows
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01-07-2011 00:18
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I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. ‘You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, ‘I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.
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01-07-2011 00:14
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Confucius say Treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner if she stops sucking, replace the bag
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01-06-2011 23:30
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For those of you whose New Years Resolution is to lose weight. There is one simple diet that works. It is, as follows: If it tastes good - spit it out.
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01-06-2011 23:06 by Hot Tea
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Sometimes, I think facbook doesn't know me at all. People You May Know? I don't know any of these MoFo's!!!
When telling someone the first rule about Fight Club, aren't you in fact breaking that rule yourself?
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01-06-2011 22:33
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Jersey Shore is the reason for mental retardation in America. #teamlohan
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01-06-2011 22:31
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Dear Hotel Decorator, why do you insist on putting the coffee maker next to the toilet?
Johnny Weir came out as gay in his new book.... in other news the sky is blue
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01-06-2011 22:01
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..Elizabeth Edwards leaves hubby John out of will. Somewhere in NY, Bill Clinton sits nervously, wondering
Wow! I just heard something on TV as "Welcome to the Million Dollar Money Shot!" I was most disappointed to discover I misheard the word "drop".
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01-06-2011 20:02
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if you're on a dating site and put that your "not looking for anything serious" in your profile why not be honest and just say "l need to get laid!"
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01-06-2011 20:00
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poking someone right after they accept your friend request dirty?
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01-06-2011 19:56
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In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
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01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron
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it sad that I'm more excited for jersey shore tonight, then I was when the ball was dropping on new years eve???
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01-06-2011 19:30
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My girlfriend told me I don't appreciate her anymore. Well that makes sense since she doesn't blow me anymore.
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01-06-2011 19:25
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I feel like Mr. Rogers when I wear a sweater...just not as sexy.
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01-06-2011 18:03 by T2
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