Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What I typed to text my wife: Getting BK (Burger King) now. What auto-correct on my iPhone tried to change it to: Getting BJ now. Thankfully I checked it before I hit send...

   just when I thought Roethlessberger couldn't look anymore like a douche he goes and proves me wrong by shaving his beard....

   still trying to use The Force to start my car...

   What's Black & Gold???? The teeth of Roethlessbergers cell mate......

   This just in.... kleenex has reported a shortage of tissues due to all the steelers fans running to the store to buy tissues to dry their tears..... Packers WIN!!!!!

   I have the cape... I make whoosh noises...

   I think it's smart that Pittsburgh fans carry yellow crying towels to soak up their tears.

   Although it's true that when I think about you I touch myself, it usually involves a sharp instrument to the heart region…you know, as a reminder….

   on the positive side, somewhere in a third world country people now have these sweet Pittsburgh steelers Superbowl champions shirts and hats to wear!!

   Who wants to replay the Superbowl next weekend, just so we can have another party?

   wonders why they sell windshield washer fluid in a gallon container, but the reservoir in vehicles only holds 7/8 gallon.

   Are there any times in your life you wish you could just forget? Ummmm, like for instance, when that guy sucked the cheese off that other guy's finger in the Doritos commercial? I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

   says yeah, yeah Aguilera messed up the lyrics, probably because she was afriad of getting sexually assaulted by the Roethlisberger...

   Got a Valentine card in the mail today from my ex who wants me back. Sorry Verizon its not happening. You should try and move on without me.

   There once was a team called the Steelers, who thought they were real death dealers. Then out of the back came the Big Green Pack and turned them all into squealers!

   Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning are 2 Hearts and a Diamond, and by the end all you want is a Club and a Spade!

   If I spent as many hours learning how to play guitar as I do on Facebook, I'd be ready to take over from Gary Moore by now. RIP mate :(

   and the moral of the story is........Rapist don't win Super Bowls!!!

   Chrysler,Eminem Imported From Detroit one of the best commercials ever

   My husband understands that when we argue, and I say "Fine, do what you want." I really mean "If you do that, I will stab you in your sleep."