Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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the orginal Peanut Butter Twix was so much better than the newer PB Twix. 
Hmmmm. Egypt's people protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend?
I hate you cheetos . You ruined all my good jeans .
Egyptian Pres. Mubarak finaly steps down. I think he was in denial--which coincidentally is where his body will be found if he doesn't move far far away..
Do you think it's OK to cross out the word LOVE on a Valentines card and replace it with "WANNA F&@K"?
I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...
Do those Jehovah Witness guys on the bicycles ride south for the winter? Hadn't seen them in awhile.
Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…
Microsoft and Nokia teamed up to start developing smart phones. Isn't Nokia still making brick cell phones with snake on them?
wants a Phd in Sarcasm !!
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak
you dont pay her for sex, you pay her to leave after you are done
No education/common sense + a little success/money = Broke in a few years.
Every time someone uses "your" instead of "you're" on Facebook, an angel punches a kitten in the face.
when judging someone for falling down remember someday you may need them to help you up.
The only 3 words I'm expecting to hear this Valentines Day are.... "Your perscription's ready..."
note to self, next time at the sperm bank.. when offered 'adult materials', don't give a quick wink to the nurse and say "no thanks, I've got a great imagination".
clothes dont make the man, but he gets no respect without them
Friend: Who r you going for in the Superbowl? Me: Um, the Superbowl was last weekend. Friend: Ya, but isn't there several? Me: No dude, there's only one.....i think your thinking of baseball... 