Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.

   I never text while I'm driving. I'm too busy putting on my makeup.

   Will he stay or will he go? Seems like President Mubarak must have the same publicist as Carmelo Anthony...

   you ever had that one friend that you don't like to eat with, cause they chew their food like their mad at it?!?

   Remember that good decisions rarely make for good stories.

   Remember - with Valentine's Day only five days away, it's not too late to break up.

   Well skank you. Skank you very much!

   Friends by social network. Twitter = fake friends Facebook = close friends Myspace = I can't remember who you are.

   You will you be my Valentine....for an hour....and we won't exchange gifts...and we skip the night out....and just have sex?

   You laugh at me because I'm strange I laugh at you because your stupid!

   BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby

   Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

   will never be able to enjoy a nice chianti again thanks to Hannibal Lechter. He totally fuched it up for me.

   I have just discovered that dictionaries do not contain an entry for the word 'gullible'.

   Al Gore said we would have days like this...no...wait...scratch that.

   If you're gonna blast music through your headphones so everyone can hear, do the rest of us a favor and ask for requests

   So Valentines day is approaching...I got a new smokin hot outfit and I managed to secure the best table Monday night at Waffle House on Oneal....that's right...I'm gonna get some FO SHO!!

   When you love someone you check and recheck and then check again to make sure it's them you're sending a text to.

   Be Yourself, Because you never know who would love the person you hide

   Lindsay Lohan...on the next Dog the Bounty Hunter?