Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ok... the first little fat flying dude that comes near me with a bow and arrow is gonna get smacked with a fly swatter...

   Happy Singles Discrimination Day!!!!!!!!!!!

   The Mona Lisa is one of the most respected pieces of art in the history of the world, and yet, the second you put a replica of it in your living room, it instantly becomes the tackiest piece of sh*t I've ever seen, Mom.

   Michael Jackson may be dead, but his dance moves live through rip-offs of Justin Bieber and Usher

   Jaden and Justin what a cute couple , One looks like a retarded version of Usher and other one looks like a lesibian looking Alice in Wonderland!!!

   This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering... 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"

   Where's Kanye West when you need him..

   I sleep better naked... why can't the flight attendant understand this?

   Lady GAGA was at the VMAs covered in meat. Now she's at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Gaga will be a Denny's Grand Slam.

   wonders if cupid has a job opening??? I would love to shoot people in the a** and get away with it!!!

   A baby was born laughing really hard with its fists closed! The confused doctor unfolded its tiny fingers and found a birth control pill.

   Shopping when hungry means you end up buying food you will regret. You should apply the same rule for not being too horny when going to the clubs and bars.

   I decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information. ;)

   ‎99 problems... 99 bottles of beer on the wall... Problems solved.

   You know your getting old when your wife/gf beats you in COD

   I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything...

   A man's best chance of winning any argument with a woman is if he confines it entirely in his own mind.

   Hey Lady Gaga- Way to add new lyrics to Madonna's Express Yourself.

   wondering if cupid has a job opening??? I would LOVE to shoot people in the Ass and get away with it!!!!

   This new Facebook friend viewer application so you can see your friends online is kind of weird. Its like they don't even know you can see them.