Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just clubbed a Chik-Fil-A Cow with my Louisville Slugger and is now planning a rip roarin' BBQ this weekend and you're all invited...you're welcome.

   Firetrucks & ambulances would be far more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song "Move B*tch" by Ludacris

   Wales.... the only country where you can get a delicious hotpot, a smashing jumper and a decent shag... all from the same animal!

   Takeshi's castle is coming back to your screens live from Japan

   Like if you always wonder why people in cartoons never change their clothes.

   I bet Steve Jobs is glad the iPad2 launch is Japan isn't today. Sales would have been disastrous.

   heading out to track down that homeless guy holding the "End Of Days Is Coming", "Repent Now" sign at the corner....Be right back : )

   Happy Kissing Friday Today..and tomorrow...Happy Coldsore Saturday....:)

   Witnessing such a massive destruction in Japan, and so many lives taken in seconds should make us think about how fragile we are. We are but little specks !

   Witnessing such a massive destruction in Japan, and so many lives taken in seconds should make us think about how fragile we are. God have mercy on us.

   Pandas are in danger! we gotta do something!!

   • there are two reasons why people change; first : they have learned a lot. second : they've been hurt too much.

   first 10 people to hit me up at 2:30 am sunday gets a free airfare roundtrip airfare

   I should have known that I had to much to drink tonight because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. It might not sound that bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems..

   G.T.I.....Gym, Tan, I'm not buying it!

   I take off my clothes, but I trip over my jeans. But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.

   Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 53 Mexicans were killed. The occupants in the other car were uninjured.

   Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you." She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?" He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

   Glad Doc Brown no longer needs plutonium for his flux capacitor, ‘cause the Libyans are busy right now.

   Space has 10 different dimensions, but we can only see 3. So the other 7 are a great place to hide your porn.