Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5138 of 6446

I like my men, like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.

After the age of 35, people start losing 7,000 brain cells a day. That number is tripled if they have a Facebook account.
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03-15-2011 12:16 by BEGO
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Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.
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03-15-2011 12:15 by BEGO
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Gas stations need to have a happy hour..
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03-15-2011 11:28 by Wolf
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In life, we have 2 choices: we could spend our time crying for what's gone or instead we could smile for what's to come. That's for us to decide. Now, 1 thing is for sure. Life still goes on, no matter what. It won't wait for us. Join it or be left behind
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03-15-2011 11:26
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Hello Mr. Monster Truck tailgating me with your superbright halogen headlights... I can make my break lights brighter... wanna see?
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03-15-2011 09:56 by Mike M
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When I grow up and become the president of Akunamatata I'm gonna go to war with the whole world.
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03-15-2011 09:39
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Have you ever looked at someone and said to yourself, "Life would be so much better if their mom had just swallowed"?
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03-15-2011 09:11 by Grifter
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1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1403808.59375 GB in about 3 seconds... And you thought virgin broadband was fast.....
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03-15-2011 07:44 by @clarkysj
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When someone gives you the finger, Look them straight in the eye and say "you know, there's a pile of crap behind EVERY bird"
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03-15-2011 07:43
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What's the difference between nectarines and peaches? Nectarines don't trade on their daddy's name to get on the TV.
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03-15-2011 07:42
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Entertainment reporters around the world are telling us that Justin Bieber is a cult. Makes you wonder if they had spellcheck turned off when they wrote that.
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03-15-2011 07:42
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I've got a blind date tonight with this girl who is 78.8 inches tall, I can't wait two metre.
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03-15-2011 07:41
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According to a recent study, 100% of people participate in surveys.
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03-15-2011 07:40
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Friendships are wonderful adventures. They surprise and delight as nothing else can! Just when you think you know the person well, some new wonderful part of them presents itself. Enjoy your many friendships and treasure them for the gift that they are! T

Those 50 workers that stayed and are trying to stop full nuclear meltdown at the reactor in Japan are super heroes or the last of the Kamikaze's as far as I'm concerned...God Speed!!
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03-15-2011 06:28 by Bill
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The awkward moment when you try to end a conversation with "your mum" and they reply "that's what she said"...
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03-15-2011 06:11
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Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
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03-15-2011 06:10
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God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
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03-15-2011 06:07
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When I get real, real bored I like to go downtown and get a good parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
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03-15-2011 06:05
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