Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I always call out my boyfriend's name during sex..... Just to make sure he's not around.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 15:52 by Solo Comments (0)  


   messageicon How have Hoarders and Antique Roadshow not joined forces yet?
←Rate | 03-17-2011 15:17 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any time someone tells you they're "about 20 minutes away" they're lying... They haven't left yet.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 15:17 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon no green food for me this year! I get enough of that from my own fridge!
←Rate | 03-17-2011 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "never on cilantro, but always on thyme."
←Rate | 03-17-2011 14:16 by Herbie Hynde Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't remember the last time I've enjoyed St. Patrick's Day....which means I'm doing it right!!
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:52 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one ever gives me a hand, but I often get a finger.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon NEVER trust a leprechaun who tells you that you can rub off a little “luck of the Irish”….the only happy ending will be his…..
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:38 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do the associates at wal-mart never answer the phone..? ..i feel like I'm trying to dial through to a radio station to win tickets to a R. Kelly concert.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:20 by @cmactonite Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Dentist is the only certified man to say to a woman: lay down, relax, open mouth, say ahh, and spit.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, on St. Patricks were green, don't party too hard tonight, you are not Charlie Sheen!
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just set my phone to flight mode and then threw it in the air, let's just say... WORST TRANSFORMER EVER.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:40 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Two generations that were unable to go to bed without their stuffed animals or blankies now feel the same way about their phones.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:23 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Irish:Tabhair dom an rud céanna mar atá ag an fhear ar an t-úrlar! English:Give me the same as the man on the floor!
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It"s ok to pretend you're Irish on St. Patrick's Day. You pretend you're good on Christmas, don't you?
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would it be inappropriate to go to the bars tonight wearing only a Green Lantern costume, with a 4 leaf clover on my finger as my ring and carry a Heineken mini-keg as my lantern?
←Rate | 03-17-2011 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once a pun a time, I used to be terrific at wordplay.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:54 by @mntnbikerbw Comments (0)  


   messageicon Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99% of relationships involve tolerating how weird the other person is.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 11:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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