Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Went to CVS to pick up a prescription and the receipt gave me enough toilet paper for a week. #Winning_Covid-19

   Coronavirus is cancelling everything but my bills

   I like my Covid viruses like I like my women...19 and spreads easily.

   Norwegian Cruises are offering buy 1 week get 2 free. Use promo code "CORONA"

   Going in like Rambo. No sanitizing wipes and I'm headed into wally world....

   My computer jsut asked me to check my virus protection, which one ?

   Trump: A Brazilian has coronavirus Pelosi and Schumer: A Brazilian oh my God how many people is that????

   Hey Bernie and Joe don’t need advice from two old guys wearing Depends. We need TP....

   Stocked up on the Merlot and chocolate. Bring the 3 week corona quarantine!

   I got the bread and mi....I mean toilet paper and handy wipes!

   So, no baseball, hockey or basketball. What's next? No cornhole?

   The World Health Organization came out today and said that dogs are immune from the COVID-19 virus, and that any dogs that have been placed in quarantine can be released. So to be clear....WHO let the dogs out.

   I'd like to put out an Amber alert for common sense...

   eerie parallel ... in Cast Away, Tom Hanks was stranded on a distant island with only Wilson to keep him company ... now, Tom Hanks in is quarantine on a distant island with only Wilson to keep him company.

   Before the Coronavirus I'd cough to cover a fart. Now I fart to cover a cough.

   The only time I ever heard of panic buying was when the bartender yelled, LAST CALL

   The Macarena was just a tutorial on how to fold a sweater.

   You can’t call it “pandemic” unless it’s from the Pandemic region of France, otherwise it’s just Sparkling Flu

   Some of you all went from homemade, natural, all organic cleaning products to Clorox real fast...

   Went to the dentist today. My teeth are fine. I just wanted to hear some of my songs.