Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

   A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT AWOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY, IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF.

   Maybe cupid should shoot himself with his own damn arrow then maybe he'd see how much love hurts

   I hate being single. I'm not good at it.

   There was a two car pile up in mexico today...40 people died

   You know those little screens at the gas pumps? They should start showing porn, so I can watch someone else getting screwed at the pump.

   After seeing Iggy Pop perform on American Idol, Steven Tyler is probably thinking I'm going home and eating a sandwich.

   I don't know why everyone is so shocked about LeBron's mom, we all had those days when MOM seduces our best friend or gets arrested at 4 in the morning drunk and catching an assault charge for punching a valet at a hotel. What's the big deal?

   LADIES: If you don't know ur own worth and value...then do NOT expect someone else to calculate it for u.

   If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?

   Damn the government is about to shut down, radio active water in the sea, and the real kicker no NFL.... Yep, Nostradamus is laughing somewhere

   So let me get this right, the government is going to shut down Friday at midnight, and our soldiers will not get paid. The idiots in congress will still get their money? Where is the sense in that?

   "That's what." -She

   wonders if  regular squirrels get mad at their parents  when they see a flying squirrel?

   wondering if I can count the voices in my head as dependents on my taxes.

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart??

   Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead??

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole...

   Dear Mr underccover police car, I like your 5 extra antennas.