Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I’ve been checking my temperature periodically every day. Did you know that it’s not necessary to do it rectally? Wish someone would’ve told me sooner!

   I got 352 likes Facebook post and somehow I feel I should get some sort of Facebook consolation prize, or something.

   I'm here to announce that I too am suspending my Presidential Campaign. I want to thank all my supporters and the one or two of you that even knew that I was running.

   WTF, everyone is talking about social distancing rule...Haven't we been doing that since we opened facebook accounts?

   I always confuse reptiles and amphibians. OK to be honest, neither one knows what I’m talking about.

   While socially distancing myself I guess this will be a good time to finish reading the internet.

   We are about three weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair color.

   Gas is only a buck a gallon and we're not allowed to leave our houses...

   Honey that posted this below dont lie to these folks, you never did have a 401k, hell you never worked a day in your life.

   Don't see why everyone is hording toilet paper for.... it does have 2 sides

   Today's drink: The Quarantini. It's a regular martini, but you drink it alone in your house.

   Ladies, if you're over 50, you may wanna rethink the cowboy hat. It's terrifying.

   I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.

   Lori Loughlin is wondering how the Coronavirus got into Princeton and her kid didn’t.

   I saw those Italy videos of people singing in Italy so I started singing to my neighbor and one lady told me to shut the *&^% up

   Yeah, no, sorry. Not gonna do "My Corona." - Weird Al Yankovic

   Ran out of T.P. and discovered Pledge furniture wipes. Now my pants won't stay up.

   I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."

   We all need to join together and practice social distancing.

   If this really turns out to be the end of days there are a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses that I owe an apology to.