Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5069 of 6446

I don't give a crap, But If I did give out crap. You'd be the first person I'd give it to
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04-10-2011 17:28 by Destiny.
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Why is it so hard for to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
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04-10-2011 17:27 by Destiny.
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I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around in random items.
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04-10-2011 17:23 by Destiiny.
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BREAKING NEWS: Two cars had an accident in Mexico. 40 people died
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04-10-2011 17:22 by Destiiny
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You know your ugly when my dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
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04-10-2011 17:18 by Destiiny
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BOB THE BUILDER CAN WE FIX IT! Bob: ummm not right now I'm on facebook
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04-10-2011 17:14 by Destiiny
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My Internet was down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. They are so fu*kin irresponsible
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04-10-2011 17:11 by Destiiny
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Dealing with haters is all about mind over matter. I don't mind cuz you don't matter.
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04-10-2011 17:09 by punkie
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Me: grandma, have you seen my pills? they were labelled LSD. Grandma: Fu*k the pills, have you seen the purple dragons in the kitchen..
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04-10-2011 17:09 by Destiiny
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Stress is the confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living $H!T out of some jerk who desperately deserves it
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04-10-2011 17:05 by Destiiny
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Dear girls who take pictures in the bathroom, I'm taking a dump in the stall behind you..sincerely.. Dont forget to tag me
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04-10-2011 17:03 by .
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My husband snores at night, so he bought a bunch of those Breathe Right Strips for me to shove in my ears
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04-10-2011 17:00 by Destiiny
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I went to a gas station today and asked for $5.00 worth of gas, the clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
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04-10-2011 16:59 by Destiiny
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worried that my drinking might be affecting my memory. I'm also worried it might be affecting my memory.
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04-10-2011 16:41 by Destiny
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n't cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.
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04-10-2011 16:39 by Destiny
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By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my a$$!
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04-10-2011 16:38 by Destiny
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would swim across the Ocean for some of my Facebook friends! Lol, just kidding. There are sharks in there!
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04-10-2011 16:38 by Destiny
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If cars ran on BS, we would all have a full tank..
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04-10-2011 16:35 by Destiny
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Rory's got a Tiger on his ass and he lookin like a Wildebeest!!
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04-10-2011 16:04 by urboyblue
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At what age is it approiate to tell my dog he's addopted?
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04-10-2011 15:20 by Hovo
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