Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   watched waterworld last nite, why was kevin costner and everyone so dirty when the entire world was covered in water?

   i dont think people enjoyed kates "train" as much as they watched her sisters "caboose"

   I started to worry about my future, so I bought a ton of stock in my company, now I worry about the work I am putting out :/

   I would just like to point out on this momentous occasion today that historically, Roalty has always been a product of inbreeding

   "Work hard bt make tym 4 ur luv, family & friends. Nobody remembers ur assignments and powerpoint presentations on ur funeral" - Some smart guy

   No, no, no, if there is one thing I know about architecture is that Will did not take Kate up the aisle, the aisles are another part of a church. He took her up the Central Passageway! Second thoughts, I think Aisle sounds better! :/

   Yellow Starburst are like the fat kids in gym class. Always picked last and no one really wants them.

   Well darn , looks like William and Kate are not registered at Walmart . Looks like I won't be able to get them that 48 pack of Orville Redenbacher

   Can't wait for the Royal Wedding to become available on Bluray with alternate endings and unseen footage

   woke up to the sound of ANGELIC SINGING! I thought I died and went to heaven! it was just MY MOM had the ROYAL WEDDING ON FULL BLAST IN THE HOUSE!

   When people say “I'm not getting any younger!” I wonder what other basic life concepts they just figured out

   I'm at the wedding, you guys just can't see me because I've got one of those weird hats on.

   If heaven is gonna be full of religious fanatics n 'holier than thou' people, I am not going...

   Don't you wish, that Kate somehow watched "The Runaway Bride" last night, over-and-over again!!!

   What the hell are chocolate diamonds good for if I can't eat them?

   Dear inventor of the double doors, we thank you!........your biggest fans, Fat People

   You can not even fathom the immensity of the f*ck that I don't give about the Royal Wedding....

   Boys make excuses. Men make changes!

   I can use facebook for things other than finding a partner now that I can count on the gas pump to screw me

   was thinking tonight, if your parents sent you to school with a giant "lunchable" pack for your lunch everyday, they didnt love you