Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding". A little knowledge behind every "I don't know". A little emotion behind every "I don't care", and a little pain behind every "it's okay"...

   I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was you.

   Monday is the strongest day of all the weekdays, even though it is cursed by every other person in this world, it still exists

   Some guys think all they have to do is try hard to get a girl, but what they don't know is the most important part is keeping her

   Obama was confused, it's not his "Birth Certificate" it's a "Gift Certificate"...

   I heard the Royle wedding is having a horse drawn carriage or Prince Charles just calls her Camilla

   The only thing more interesting than the royal wedding is... Ooh look, the dog is chasing his tail again!

   Ukrainian Mail-Order Brides is the way to go

   Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

   Still waiting on the United States to hold concerts for money to donate to Alabama and those affected in the horrible tornados. We do it for everyone else for any other reason right?

   Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow

   rRjection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night

   Due to the highly confidential nature of my job, I am not allowed to know what I am doing.

   Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

   all the QUEEN'S horses and ALL the QUEEN'S MEN could not get me up at 4am for THOSE wedding SHENANIGANS!!!

   Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.

   You're lucky to be born so beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar.

   Now accepting applications for FWB. Several positions open. Please email me photos and resume.

   The only Royal Crown I'm interested in at 4am is some Crown Royal..

   Twitter was invented to teach women how to communicate silently in 140 characters or less.