Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head

   wonderbra was designed by Harry Houdini

   The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you're talking to yourself..!!

   Everyone has their obsession, consuming thoughts,consuming time

   Who can really hear themselves thinking?

   What others perceive,what others think,what does that has to do with you? World's a game,why you should be playing by their rules

   realized that alcohol is not the answer,it just makes you forget the question

   condoms please; --need a bag?; --no need, this time she's not that ugly

   Chivalry is dead. And women killed it.

   has beat anorexia, thanks everyone for your support, now pass the bacon buffet

   They say, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Maybe its just me but........wont you get........chocolate??

   to do list- 1) shoot video confession. 2) sign over house and children to the bank. 3) make fritters for Parole Officer.

   I like to go into diners and quietly start conversations with strangers about eggs and the apocalypse.

   Was once told by a farmer that thongs are like barb-wire fence. It protects the property without blocking a great view.

   The Count from Sesame Street had OCD, right?

   I got a funny cigarette and a $2 bottle of wine and a beautiful blonde with me tonight!! Life can't get no sweeter!!

   Hopes that the Gay community is enjoying all the free media attention...with the flooding in Manitoba I haven't heard the word "Dykes" used so much since last years Gay Pride week .

   I molested myself last night, I said no, but I knew I wanted it

   Rosa Parks never called SHOTGUN!!

   hoping to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday.