Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You see a big brown van blocking you in a parking space......I see logistics!!

   looks like Harolds ass will be camping outside the Pearly Gates by his damn self.

   I think the rapture stopped along the way for happy hour so that might explain the brief delay... I heard he's hanging out with the Dos Equis guy, the way that cat parties we might get a few extra days...

   i wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could drown you in them

   The jockey on the winning horse in the Preakness was Jesus. Coincidence? I think not

   hmm still alive... either Sam and Dean stopped it, "Macho Man" called it off, or god is waiting on his crops in farmville...

   Sam and Dean stopped the rapture!

   Harold Camping is selling his "Magic 8-ball", anybody interested?

   so over hearing about the religious quacks and Arnold. You are all giving me a tumah!

   Oh, thank god! My barbecue will not be postponed.

   I am either going to hell or the rapture was a hoax!!

   Holy Crap!! I was sitting there wondering why no one was posting and thought I was the only one left... Its All Good.. I accidently logged into my MySpace account.. That was a close one!

   OMG.... at 3pm, 6pm in the east I felt this horrible shaking and noise and thought, OH NO AHHHH..IT'S TIME...WTH!!!. Then I realized it was the washing machine out of balance.

   has been sitting outside with a cooler all day and has not seen one Veloc-raptor....

   it is 6:01 and I am still here... or am I??? Rapture Schmapture!

   installing SKYNET.... ████████████░░░░░░░░░ 49% DONE. Errors found....decompressing...... Installation failed. Please try again in 2012. *doh*

   You must be this -^- tall to ride the Rapture!

   I firmly believe that horse races are the rich man's NASCAR

   May 21, 2011 6:00pm?? Wait...where in the Bible does it mention clocks?

   Why are all the apocalypse on eastern standard time?