Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Man: "I just sent you a fax. Could you fax that back, it was my only copy. Receptionist: Sure thing!!

   Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

   Apparently this is the letter “v” in Chinese: 维 Lets see American geese try to fly in that shape.

   in a relationship with himself, and I think he's cheating on me... FINALLY!!!

   There is now an Anthony Weiner action figure. I wonder if has the Kung-fu grip?

   Sometimes I intentionally p0st boring statuses just to tick people off. Like I am doing now.

   I don't love with my heart...I love with my imagination.

   Made up words that people use to sound smart: Supposably, Irregardless, Exspecially

   just read the thermometer and it read "stay in the house" ..

   I line Dance just so I can kick people and get away with it

   I have so many questions for people in lesbian marriages. Like, who is the wife and who is the husband? Who buys who flowers? Who opens doors for the who? Who leaves the toilet seat up? Who makes who a sandwich? Who just sits on the sofa watching sport?

   Got in a fight. You should see the other guys....they are perfectly fine.

   Why is it that whenever I wish someone a happy birthday they always assume Facebook reminded me? Do you ever think maybe just maybe I care that much to remember the day you were born.

   An Arab invented the original mechanical clock, which is odd since Arabs are never on time.

   Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.

   Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong

   I still don't understand how finishing my food is going to save a starving child in Africa.

   The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let's go off script. What are you wearing?"

   People should STOP complaining about Facebook's privacy settings. If you want some PRIVACY, you should go back to Myspace.

   a LEADER, not a follower... But if we're walking into a creepy dark place, SCREW THAT! You're going first!