santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   parents are hypocritical.....your not supposed to take candy or food from strangers but what do they let you do every Halloween? not supposed to talk to strangers but every christmas they sit you on santa's lap so you can talk to him.

   You know, many people have an artificial Christmas tree so they can use it year after year to save money. Why not do the same thing with roses on Valentine's Day. You can leave them up until Easter- maybe hang some Hershey's Kisses on them. Quite festive.

   Save money! Plastic christmas tree...plastic valentine roses.

   you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....

   If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas

   Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

   has noticed the only one in the family still excited about there christmas presents is the dog

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   51 weeks til Christmas....lights are up!

   I had my identity stolen the day after Christmas. It was reurned in yesterday's mail with $20 and a note that read, "Damn dude, no one owants to be you!"

   worried that Santa won't bring any gifts for dirty minded people. I'm screwed. Haha, screwed.

   If you got me an Ed Hardy shirt for Christmas, don't worry about a gift receipt...I'll get more X-mas joy out of burning it.

   It's so nice having my family around for the holidays. It really makes me appreciate their absence the rest of the year.

   Good girls get presents at Christmas. Bad girls get presents all year long.

   next year I'm wrapping all of our Christmas presents in bubble wrap....it will be like two gifts in one!!!!

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   listening to Neil Diamond Christmas music...Man when he sings I feel like he is getting ready to really kick someones a$$

   Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.