Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Its friday night! Querentine facebook party going done on my wall tonight and your all invited!

   # They should call the daily press briefing, the daily depress briefing.

   # For someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, he sure does do alot of talking.

   I went into take my shower this morning and accidently washed my hair with Dog Shampoo. But on the upside, at least I don't have to worry about getting fleas.

   [Me in Heaven] God: You're about to get your wings. Me: Great! Buffalo or BBQ? God: Get out.

   I'LL TRADE YOU A 12 PACK OF TOILET PAPER FOR A POUND OF HAMBURGER

   All our dogs think we are staying home every day just for them and all of our cats are thinking we got fired from our jobs because we are the losers they always knew we were

   After this pandemic is over, I don't want to see any more memes claiming that you could live in a cabin alone for a full year for a million dollars. You literally couldn't stay in your house for 5 days to save your grandmother, soooo......

   Taylor Swift and Adele are basically the same age. Mind blown!

   If CN N told you the only cure of covid-19 is to jump off a bridge. Which bridge are yall going to choose...

   Maybe my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than three of my Facebook friends in 2020 was asking for too much?

   A Man's Take On Marriage: An arrangement where you're owned by someone else, yet don't actually own anything yourself.

   I know that people want to go back to work because they're broke, but there's still a serious virus floating around. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that being broke is better than being dead.

   the crows and the ducks are having a turf war in my backyard it’s like the squawkiest version of west side story ever

   Social distancing requires a good supply of air horns.

   There is no such thing as a stupid question except maybe "Isn't it really about time you IRS guys audited my return?"

   If you take the 'I' out of 'Illness' and replace it with 'We', then you get 'Wellness'

   Canada doesn't allow polygamy ,so I got me a wife with Multiple personalities .

   If you are throwing a football, a baseball or kicking a soccer ball in a park, you need to be more than six feet apart. If you aren't, you're in big trouble because you really suck at your sport.

   If a fart can go through underwear and a pair of jeans, how can a mask made of cloth save you from Covid? Asking for a friend...