Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money! I'm just sayin'.

   The proper word that describes you would be vinegar sac. Yep, I just said douche bag but in a fancy way!

   The fact that Sesame Street had to gently remind people, although Bert & Ernie possess many human characteristics, they remain puppets, & do not have a sexual orientation, just reaffirms my long held belief that most people are complete f*cking idiots.

   Air freshener: Because there's no louder way of telling the whole house you've just took a dump.

   Ghetto Word Of The Day: DELIGHT Usage: She gotta big ass but her face is trash so when we do it I gotta turnoff delight.

   Miss the days when rappers used to rap about real sh*t, now they rap about candy likes its gangsta to eat a lollipop.

   The Ipad: Because not enough people noticed you with the Iphone.

   Any female who tells you she don't suck d*ck is lying; she just ain't sucking your d*ck.

   I don't even have ex's, I have y's, as in why in the hell did I even mess with that.

   I can always tell how good my weekend was by how many pictures I have to untag on Monday.

   I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.

   I like to just hang around the playground, watching the kids running and screaming. They don't know I'm just using blanks.

   Sometimes I have these moments in life when I want to press pause, look into the sky, and scream "REALLY DUDE, REALLY!?"!!!!!

   Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.

   Whenever I start to get tired of being single...I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship feels like

   Everyone google "Tulsa Tower Guy" He's a crazy naked black guy that climbed this 300ft tower 6 days ago and they can't get him down!

   Facebook: A place where you can make your life look like something it's not.

   Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

   I tried ginko biloba pills for better memory, but I can't remember to take the pills.

   I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you tonight.