Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm about to rewrite history. History.

   Hey Facebook, Now look what you have done, You've invented "MYSPACE".

   I don't remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there's a chance I'm magical.

   Every time I see a girl I went to college with, I ask her if we had sex and we laugh and laugh and laugh and then I welcome her to Walmart.

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother..

   That mini heart attack when you can't feel your phone in your pocket!

   Workin' hard or hardly saying anything original?

   I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.

   Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

   Don't you hate it when people just randomly tag you in their Facebook post!?

   Casey Anthony not guilty, Troy Davis being executed...Everybody Hates Chris but Everybody Love Raymond..smh..who says it ain't bout color ?

   I'm going back to the social network I enjoyed as a kid. It was called "outside".

   was in a public toilet at the home depot and suddenly had an urge to confess my sins ... but the guy in the next stall wouldn't quit laughing.... how inconsiderate....

   If You Use Pinesol in A Pine Forest Is It Unscented?

   Dear Facebook: I'm appalled that the free service that I am in no way obligated to use keeps making changes that mildly inconvenience me :)

   Everytime I enter a porta potty I feel like I have to confess my sins..

   didnt Mark Zuckerberg learn anything from Tom Anderson? the changes to myspace is what killed it

   I think facebook is a teenager...its going through alot of changes lately

   going to Facebook's HQ to do a cmmd + Z....be back in a sec

   Sorry - But I am already married...but thnx for the offer;)