Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   TEIAM - problem solved

   It recently became apparent to me that the letters 'T' and 'G' are far too close together on a keyboard. This is why I'll never be ending an e-mail with the phrase "Regards" ever again

   I think once I get past the restraining orders and the court dates and the stalking charges....I really think this relationship can work!!!!

   I'm not Bipolar-I don't even like bears

   A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superficial.

   I asked my psychiatrist the other day if she thought I was crazy. She said, "No", so I put the flamethrower down.

   Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said loudly "haha you can't even walk" I then noticed the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML

   laughing at an old dude tryin to cross the street ,,,

   playing stupid and winning !

   Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? So she didnt wake the sleeping pills.

   On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA!!! Christmas shopping time.

   *confetti falls* DING! DING! DING! *audience cheers* *in my gameshow host voice* COOOOONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE THE 1000th PERSON TO MENTION THE FACT THAT IT'S FRIDAY IN YOUR STATUS. JERRY, TELL 'EM WHAT THEY'VE WON! *door opens* ABBBBBBSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

   Thinks Time Is Precious....Use It Wisely...

   ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ + OUT, with your, B===D + OUT!

   coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>

   color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while…

   There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.

   chuck you farley, you ain't so mucking futch, your whole fam damily can go in your own jack yard and back off!

   Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street... Thanks for all the good times...

   ...The top ten reasons to procrastinate. 1.