Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am like a freaking Hallmark card..I care enough to post the very best!!

   Sometimes I wonder.."Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.....

   pitching a tip to George Lucas for a new robot in the next Star Wars, the H1N1.

   ..was reading the bookThe Dog That Never Dies. She couldn't put it down.

   i just ordered a snuggie for dogs and I dont even have a dog... I just want to burn it because its the stupidest thing ive ever seen

   Ugh....Human Beings. I wish my leaders gave me fair warning about this place before they dropped me off here.

   Unfortunately, there is no vaccine against stupidity...

   Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

   If racism never existed, what do you get?.......Smarter people for one.

   youre so ugly just after you were was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea, let's go bury it!"

   This status update is brought to you by your drug addiction to facebook.

   The wheel is still spinning but the hamster died.

   always proof read to make sure you dont any of the words out

   My grandmother has false teeth. I can't believe a word she says.

   WAIT!... I'm still Loading ████████████ 99%

   that we need to stop the insanity by not drinking more of that hatorade!

   There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.

   had big dreams as a little kid... now they're HUGE!!! :)

   The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and, consequently, I will never be ending an important email with the phrase "Regards" again.

   says Real Men of Genius....Today we salute you, Mr. Compulsive Status Update Checker.