Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is a school zone speed limit 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.

   segregation will not end until they start putting #2 pencils in the same boxes as colored pencils.

   A woman's work is never done. Maybe that's why they get paid less?

   Chris Brown must be making a new album, because he is going over his greatest hits with the judge tomorrow?

   jumping out the window, who's with me?

   gave up drinking and smoking... Worst ten minutes of my life.

   Don't count the seconds... Make every second count...

   I bought a cabin on a lake.... but there are signs all over my side of the lake saying "NO WAKE ZONE"...... now I am afraid to go to sleep.

   went to Facebook and all I got was this stupid status message.

   anti-obama before it was cool

   kissed a girl and I liked it. She, on the other hand; filed a restraining order.

   NOTADDICTEDTOTHOSEENERGYDRINKS!!!!

   counting the number of friends who remind him that it's Friday.

   Real Men of Genius.Today we salute you Mr.Compulsive Status Update Checker.People are out actually having fun, your stuck reading about it on a screen. One click instant "mafia and farmville" updates to live vicariously through, friends you... haven't see

   in the studio with Chris Brown making new 'beats' for his album.

   when it comes down to it, it's the little thongs in life that makes it all worthwhile...

   recommending a Magic 8 Ball for times when Obama has no teleprompter.

   hates it when you ask someone "How was your day?" and all they say is "good, and yours?" Thank you for summing up your day with just one word. Way to be detailed.

   if I had to comment your status with "What happened?" and you reply "I don't even want to talk about it...", do you think maybe you should have kept it to yourself?

   here, reminding all of you, obey gravity, it's the law.