Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm very curious to see how many people still believe Trump when Trump said that past presidents told him that they wanted to build a wall, when the past four living presidents publicly announced that they never said no such thing to him.

   Haven't looked at Facebook in a while and have been doing things I don't normally do while looking at it like reading books, verbally talking to friends, noticing my surroundings and showering.

   My least favorite color was pink, now it's orange.

   taking away a Trans-gender bathroom that critical to people?

   You can tell the sex of an ant by tossing it in some water. If it sinks, it' a girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

   Whats the cheapest way to build a wall? Asking for my President......

   Would anyone go to a zoo that didn't have walls or fences?

   Having a non stick pan with a sticker stuck on it saying non stick pan is one of the reasons I don’t think humans deserve control over earth

   Just build the wall on the Mexican side and call it foreign aid.

   I just blocked someone on Facebook for correcting my grammar and it feelted good.

   I just cleaned up my friends list. So if you could see this post it means you've made the cut because you're special! Or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on.

   I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non-removable screws.

   Since he likes to shut things down, why doesn't he shutdown the shutdown ?

   "Alexa, Get me a divorce."

   You can never go wrong with medieval technology.

   Quick! While the Government is shut down, let's create a new one.

   I always confuse actresses Meryl Streep and Glenn Close. They both look like men but only one has the appropriate first name.

   Someone on my fb just posted they had just backed synonym buns. I replied, you mean the ones grammar use to make? Now I'm blocked

   Marriage tip #39 your wife won't start an argument with you if you're cleaning

   The best way to open a Capri Sun is with a bullet.