Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   thinks the bad thing about having kids is that they are ALL morning people.

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.

   is wondering what childless IDIOT invented glitter glue?

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won't make that mistake again..

   why does ben rothlisberger cry after sex? ... because the pepper spray hurts so much.

   not GAY!!!! But his boyfriend is....

   The guy who named the Iceland volcano "Eyjafjallajokull" must have fallen asleep on his keyboard

   If PETA really cared about animals then why is it that PETA never protested about rat killers?

   not drunk... just deliciously enlightened.

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   I am a part of Peta people enjoying Tasty animals

   Not a gal that finds it attractive or even complimenting when a married man hits on her. Keep it at home base, dude.

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   When you put 'aspiring' in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I'm unemployed.

   The guy driving in front of me is totally following me