Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd love to be a lifeguard at the gene pool. I'd let a few of them drown.

   Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

   and XX are now friends via the 'People You May Know Who Are a Tool' tool.

   Earth Day - Keeping Earth cleaning than Uranus...

   wishing everyone a "Happy Earth Day", and is reminding you to keep our planet clean, it's not Uranis..

   Happy Earth Day!! Time to plant all the greens burned 2 days ago.....

   at work, online researching how to be more productive at work

   The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..

   If you cant dazzle them with your brillance, baffle them with your bull sh!t

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   but officer, the sign says "no shirt, no shoe, no service"...is says NOTHING about pants!

   Everytime she logs onto facebook she feels like she's reading people's diaries. Facebook should change its name to Dear Diary!!!

   Conserve water on earth day, drink more beer....

   first you want same sex marriage, what's next...same sex divorce

   driving the Hummer on Earth Day!!

   Nice guys finish.... In the shower

   The international symbol for marriage is a white flag.

   I saw a jug of 2% milk. I'd actually prefer the whole thing be milk.

   Homeless people are like the raccoons of metropolitan areas. Always coming out at night to route through your garbage can with their furry little faces and opposable thumbs.

   You know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake.