Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   letdown. Crop circles just don't have the same mystique in backyard grass. (mood: disappointed)

   Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm burning, burning..Oh, Doctor, doctor, is this love I'm feeling? OK.. Thompson Twins I am going to say no if you are taking a piss!

   I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.

   I miss high school...only there could you hear at ten in the morning...Bro afta shave on my balls was the worst idea ever

   I love getting all these "you are soo funny"!" You make me laugh so much!!" Yeah well I can make you moan also status king blah

   behind every sucessful woman der is a man staring at her ass

   The two kinds of people at every party are those who want to go home and those who don't. Trouble is, they're usually married to each other.

   In a nudist camp, men and women freely air their differences.

   loves how my gf calls me on her breaks. Which involves hearing courtesy flushes. Learn to break somewhere else.Thanks.

   We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours. But they all have to learn to live in the same box.

   thinks is aboot time we did something aboot immigration reform, I think it's time for a fence...for me Justin Bieber was the final straw! Stop Canadians from crossing the border!

   the victim of the rules he/she lives by!

   tired of having 6 toes and watching purple clouds fish for dolphins...but this lsd is good

   dear homework, you are not attractive, and I'm so not doing you.

   women have a long,endless list for man to please them,while men have only a list with two wishes for their women: Naked and bring beer

   Canada gave the world Justin Beiber. As a canadian, I just wanna say sorry everybody. Our bad. No need to retaliate with nukes or anything.

   We have a saying in our house. Well, to be accurate my wife has a saying. I have a listening.

   Anyone else feel a bit like Hitler when someone tells them about the president dying and all you can think is "It's only Poland".

   Only 259 more shopping days till Christmas

   you can get whatever you want in this life,if you have self confidence,determination...and huge t!ts.