Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Pokemon is making a comeback... I want to bring back Pogs!

   I think "Fo Shizzle!" should be an answer on The Magic 8-Ball.

   Dear Rain, thanks for washing away the yellow flower sperm that "skeeted" on everything.

   Did you break wind as well? Because hopefully a wind will blow you off of this page. Nobody cares about your bodily gases. Thank you.

   "when one door closes, a window is opened"....just my luck, it's on the second story!!

   It amazes me how there are over 5 billion people in the world, yet a person can be so lonely at this time of night.

   ..doesn't understand people who say "by now.." As in "by now you should have children,.by now you should be married..by now you should.." Sorry but if "by now" i'll "pay later".

   U love someone and you marry someone else. The one you marry becomes ur wife and the one you love becomes the password of your email

   was given 4 E's and LSD last night… Such an awful start to a game of scrabble.

   joke of the day: So this doctor goes into work one day and asks his assistant if it was wrong to have sex with his patients. Horrified, she runs from the office and screams "OF COURSE IT IS! YOU'RE A VET!!!"

   I've been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out & my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.

   The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.

   thinks if you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.

   If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

   Telepath wanted...you know where to apply.

   Thank you lady from the "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!" commercials. Thank you for making me laugh with your comedic genius!

   Talk is Cheap because the supply has always exceeded the demand.

   If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

   not in a good mood, but I'll fake it 'til I make it.

   I don't know about you, but somehow I feel slightly disturbed watching the trailer for the new Karate Kid. Seeing Jackie Chan beat up a bunch of ten years olds somehow makes me feel like I should call somebody or something.