Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't think I'm better than others, it just so happens that so far, statistically, I am

   I'm still looking for a girl that can get aroused by the sound of a hard drive spinning down

   ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat

   I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.

   Law of Study Leave: As per some equation, The rate of days nearing exams is directly proportional to The no. of things in life that get more interesting day-by-day!

   Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me...

   doesn't suffer from stress. he's a carrier...

   Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are. --

   would explain my awesomeness to you, but your brain would just explode...

   When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?

   Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

   issuing a warning ,Red Bull will not give you wings

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   In my office there's a light switch that doesn't do anything... Every so often, I turn it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Stop that!"

   If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

   If you want your children to listen to you, try talking softly to someone else

   menstruation.menopause.mental breakdowns...ever notice how all womens problems begin with men?

   Halloween is coming ... and you know what that means. An excuse for every girl to dress slutty and get away with it.

   "In Super Mario, as in life, its Game Over when you get the girl!!!"

   that you shouldn't base your life on what other people think!