Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   they say you shouldnt mix business with pleasure....so how does the adult industry operate...

   instead of fighting over healthcare the government should just legalize-marijuana. then when we are all stoned then they can do what they want and we will all be to ripped to care

   Can the govt mge health care? I think not, look at the cash 4 clunkers. Mths after it ended dealers were still not paid. Guess the docs will wait 6 + months to receive their pymt. The cash 4 clunkers was a blip on the radar in size compared to health care

   Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it..

   Miley Cyrus is going to coach and mentor the Top 11 Finalists on American Idol...In related news, the same agent has booked Tiger Woods to be the mentor on The Bachelor ...

   Girls having more guy friends because they cause less drama...

   Im a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you....

   • I've just been told that the invisible man and a ghost are going to have a fight... But I just can't see that happening.

   hyou're obviously too stupid to read back through all the wacko liberal posts of the last few days

   ♫ ♫ My pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards?♫ ♫ Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my charizard... ♫ ♫

   I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.

   Wouldn't it be nice if the ATM just shot out an extra $20 every once in a while.

   at the bank speaking with the teller about Gov't bonds. No surprise the conversation turned to men. After all. both take so long to mature.

   using the copy machine at work today. Thought to myself, "Gee, this thing reminds me of men. It's only good for reproduction."

   ...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end

   thinking about the similarities between men and soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

   Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

   My second favourite household chore is laundry. My first favourite is being hit in the head repeatedly by the ceiling fan blades until I faint.

   never made a fool of any guy that I dated. But then again, I the guys I dated were the "do it yourself" types.

   WHY DO OLD PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, BUT YOUNG PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEIR DAYS ARE LIMITED....?